The Buttons Paradigm
by codexfawkes
Summary: When Jayne is left looking after River she leads him on a merry chase. "Damn it crazy, you're gonna get me in trouble." He called out to the girl now standing on the upper branches of a birch.


The Buttons Paradigm

By Codexfawkes

Summary: When Jayne is left looking after River she leads him on a merry chase.

AN: I own nothing Joss is Boss. Usually when I pair Jayne and River together it's a shipper story, this so isn't. This story is the direct result of insomnia and watching Anamaniacs at 3AM. This takes place a few weeks after Objects in Space.

Jayne and Simon both gaped at Mal, for once in complete agreement with each other, this wasn't what they wanted to hear. "Mal, you get too close to Moonbrain and catch crazy?" Jayne asked frowning. "This is a colossally bad idea. There is no part of this that isn't bat crap crazy." Simon said shaking his head. "I'm going to let that go just be ready to head out in an hour." Mal ordered before walking away. Jayne headed for the cargo bay and his weight bench grumbling as he went. Simon sighed and headed down to the engine room where he'd left River with Kaylee. He met them in the hall, both girls giggling as they walked together. Simon smiled, this was a good day for River and it was nice to see that Kaylee had gotten over her fear of his sisters abilities.

"Hey Simon, we was just comin to find you. We're gonna have us a picnic lunch under that big ole tree outside, you want in?" Kaylee asked beaming up at him. "Sounds great, and we can talk about the upcoming job. Seems I'm going to have a hand in this one." Simon told her. "Really? Well that's shiny, you can tell us all about it outside." Kaylee replied stepping to his side. River stepped close on his other side and the girls grabbed his hands, tugging him toward the galley. The trio quickly got some food together and in less than ten minutes were sitting on a faded quilt in the shade of an old oak. As they relaxed and ate Simon filled them in on what was going on. "Jayne will be staying behind to guard the ship while we do the job and the captain mentioned that he was going to have you and Book pick up supplies." Simon told Kaylee.

"Did I hear right? Mal is intending to leave** Jayne** in charge of River?" Inara asked incredulously from behind them. "Not really, I mean Wash will still be here and I was planning to ask if you'd keep an eye on her?" Simon requested awkwardly. "I'd be happy to, we could stay out here in the sun while the rest of you are off. Would you like that mei mei?" Inara asked settling down gracefully next to River. River smiled brightly and nodded before turning her drawing pad and showing them the page she'd been working on. The three of them looked down and saw Kaylee's smiling face looking back at them. Drawing Kaylee had a smear of grease on her cheek and her hair was a mess yet she still looked beautiful. "That ain't me, I don't really look like that." Kaylee denied blushing. "Yes, you do." Simon told her sincerely his eyes locked on hers. River grinned happily and put the pad down, choosing to stretch out on the blanket reminding Inara of a cat. Reaching out Inara began to run her fingers through River's hair, massaging her scalp and beginning to hum an old lullaby she remember her mother singing when she was a little girl.

By the time Mal and Zoe appeared to collect Simon for the job, River was almost asleep. As the mule pulled away Shepard Book came down the ramp ready to head into town with Kaylee. Just after they disappeared from sight Jayne came loping down the ramp. "Hey 'Nara, Wash says there's some kinda urgent wave comin in for you, real insistent like." He told her. "Alright, I'll head in to answer it. River honey, I'll be right back and Jayne is going to sit here with you okay?" Inara asked the sleepy girl. "Okay lady," River answered sleepily. Inara smiled amused as she stood before fixing Jayne with a stern glare. "If anything happens…" she trailed of warningly. "Yeah, yeah I get it. Do I really gotta sit here so close? Can't I watch her nappin from the ramp?" Jayne whined. "Fine, just don't let her out of your sight." Inara agreed as she hurried toward the ship.

Jayne heaved an annoyed sigh as he plunked himself down on the ramp. Damn Mal leavin him behind to crazy sit. Last thing he wanted to be doing right now was watch over a sleeping moonbrained girl. Jayne's eyes restlessly roamed the picturesque meadow they was parked in, the big oak the girl was sleepin under was separated from the edge of a dense wood he planned on going hunting in later if they didn't have to run off world. Looking back over at the Moonbrain Jayne found himself jumping to his feet with a curse. On the blanket where seconds ago there had been a sleeping girl there was now nothing but the remains of a picnic he hadn't been invited to join and the girls drawing stuff. Jayne looked around just in time to see a flash of pink skirt disappear up a tree on the edge of the wood. "Gorram girl's gonna get me shot." Jayne complained as he high tailed it after her.

Jayne darted into the woods, stopping at the base of the tree he'd seen her climbing. Looking up into the branches he saw River balancing as she walked along the main branch and right into an adjoining tree. Jayne followed on the ground ready to catch her if necessary. His heart thrummed in his ears as she lightly jumped from one tree to another until Serenity couldn't be seen anymore. Before long the trees thinned out and Jayne realized they were on the outskirts of town. "Damn it crazy, you're gonna get me in trouble." He called out to the girl now standing on the upper branches of a birch. River's giggle floated down to him as to his dismay she darted along the branch, jumping like a gazelle and landing on the ridgepole of the nearest building. Jayne watched in horror as her forward momentum sent River tumbling toward him, before she inexplicably caught herself on the gutter and swung harmlessly down onto a pile of wood.

Jayne rushed forward to grab her but wasn't fast enough as River scrambled down the wood pile and danced around the corner. Jayne hurried after her, stepping into the street just in time to see River dance in front of an oncoming wagon. Jayne yelled a warning dashing toward her only have the horse rear and nearly clobber him, the farmer driving the wagon screaming at him as River danced unharmed onto the other side of the street. Ignoring the irate farmer Jayne dashed after the girl, cursing loudly as she disappeared into the saloon. Jayne barreled into the saloon and found River dancing in the middle of the room. Despite her clearly young and odd appearance there was already a sketchy looking man approaching her. Jayne reached them just as the other man put his hand on River's arm. "Unh uh, nope leave that girl alone." Jayne order grabbing the other man's wrist prying it off River. "What you her man or somethin?" the guy whined tugging his wrist out of Jayne's grasp. "Her body guard, now back the hell off." Jayne growled. The smaller man held up his hands in surrender and back away retreating out the swinging doors. Jayne scanned the crowd with a challenging glare before turning back to River ready to read her the riot act. Only there was no River to find, just an empty space and the swish of a pink skirt as she twirled out the back door. "Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo*," Jayne snarled as he stalked out the back door.

Jayne hurried after the exasperating girl and followed her dancing form back into the woods. "Gorram it River get back here so's I can take you back to the ship!" Jayne bellowed after her. River's laughter was his only response. Next thing Jayne knew she'd whirled her way into a logging camp and was dancing around the men carrying heavy logs. Warning shouts distracted Jayne from watching the annoying slip of a girl and next thing he knew something hard slammed into the back of his head. Seconds later Jayne found himself sprawled face first in the dirt. He rolled over with a groan and let a concerned looking logger pull him to his feet. "Where'd she go?" he demanded swaying slightly on his feet. "Who?" the logger asked. "The gorram menace of a girl what just danced through here. I don't find her and bring her back to the ship her ba ba's gonna shoot me." Jayne growled touching the knot on the back of his head with a wince. "She went that way out of camp, back toward the meadow on the other side a these trees." The logger replied pointing him in the right direction. "Thanks." Jayne said hurrying off in the direction River'd gone.

Inara hurried outside with a sigh, that wave had taken far longer than she had expected it to and she was sure Jayne would be itching to get back to whatever he'd been doing. Walking down the ramp Inara glanced around noticing that Jayne was missing. Her eyes slid over the girl curled up on the blanket, happy to see River had stayed asleep. At that moment Jayne rounded Serenity, swaying like he was drunk and his eyes fixed on River's sleeping form. "Gorram girl, gonna teach her a lesson." He growled. "Jayne Cobb don't you take one more step." Inara ordered indignantly. "What in Buddha's name were you thinking leaving this child alone so you could go drink?" Inara demanded. "What?! I didn't…she…" Jayne spluttered gesturing first to himself then to River. "I don't want to hear your excuses, just go sleep it off and if you're lucky I won't mention this to Mal or Simon." Inara censured sternly. Jayne gapped at Inara in disbelief for a long moment before marching onto the ship. "It's a gorram conspiracy, the whole gǒu rì** verse is against me." He snarled disappearing into the ship. Under the tree River rolled over with a yawn. "Silly Jayne."

*Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo: Shove All the Planets in the Universe Up my Ass

_******_ Gǒu rì: fucking


End file.
